Dear Cassius:

Are you still working on the Y zero K problem?

This change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven’t much
time left.

I don’t know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having
been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards.

You would think that someone would have thought of it earlier and not left it
to us to sort out at this last minute. I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He
was livid that Julius hadn’t done something about it when he was sorting out
the calendar.

He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty.

We called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing downwards using
minus BC won’t work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful.

Surely we will not have to throw out all our hardware and start again?
Macrohard will make yet another fortune out of this I suppose.

The money lenders are paranoid of course! They have been told that all usery
rates will invert and they will have to pay their clients to take out loans.
Its an ill wind ……

As for myself, I just can’t see the sand in an hourglass flowing upwards. We
have also heard that there are three wise men in the east who have been working
on the problem, but unfortunately they won’t arrive until it’s all over.

I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at midnight at the turn
of the year as there are fears that they will stop and try to run backwards,
causing immense damage to chariots and possible loss of life. Some say the
world will cease to exist at the moment of transition.

Anyway, we are still continuing to work on this blasted Y zero K problem. I
will send a parchment to you if anything further develops. If you have any
ideas please let me know.

Vale
Plutonius

Looks like it has been worth the wait, this it what Half-Life: Source should have been.

Black Mesa Source site.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: “Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!”

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: “Look! A herd of plums in the distance” (Jane is colour blind)

Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?
A: Squash

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

Q: The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?
A: The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.

Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won’t close.

Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
A: There’ll be one waiting outside in the Mini.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.

Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.

Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don’t see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?
A: No, of course not. Must work then :)

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him “lunch”.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken’s day off.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 8kph.

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It’s bike is outside.

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don’t be stupid, elephants can’t change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don’t sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,…..

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don’t want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn’t it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.

Q: Why isn’t it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That’s when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.

Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They’re all on the same team.

Q: How do you know if there’s an elephant in bed?
A: He has a big ‘E’ on his pajamas jacket pocket.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.

Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can’t talk.
:mrgreen: